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[Nov 19th, 2018 * 8:08am] |
Unreal City,
Under the brown fog of a winter dawn,
A crowd flowed over London Bridge, so many,
I had not thought death had undone so many.
( Read more... )
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| 055' |
[Dec 10th, 2009 * 5:50pm] |
[Private]
Lies that books, film, and television told me:
- Love conquers all.
- Ice cream makes you feel better.
- You can kill someone and feel totally okay, just as long as they're a 'bad guy.'
- It's better to have loved and lost etc, etc <-- this in particular is complete and utter bullshit.
- Time heals all wounds. This is bullshit too.
- Visiting graves gives you closure.
- That you'll feel okay about all the sacrifices you've made and all the people who have died, because it was a good cause.
There's so many things I thought about life that I found out are untrue. I don't know why I believed all of them. I don't know why I had to be born into this stupid life where I would have to find out that it's all untrue when I'm only eighteen years old. Sometimes, I feel so much older. It's weird to think about the Muggle kids I went to primary school with, and how they're just now finishing their first semester of university, and I fought in a war. It's just not fair. I don't understand why that had to be taken away from me.
And I don't even have that much of a right to be upset. I'm so lucky, really. All of my best friends are alive and they'll all be okay. I shouldn't be so selfish as to want me back, the person who I was before the war. I don't even really remember what it was like, two and a half years ago, before Aunt Amelia was murdered and everything just fell to pieces. It feels like those are memories from another person's life. I miss my auntie. I miss my mum.
I feel like I miss him already, even though I know that's stupid because I know that we'll talk because neither of us are mad. And it'll be awkward at first, but then it'll be like nothing ever happened, except that when I start to think about it, I forget how to breathe. I'm an idiot and I know it. I never should have -- I shouldn't -- I was stupid and careless to let myself care this much, that way. I knew, I always knew that nothing would ever come of it, and yet despite myself, I know that I nursed those feelings, I didn't even try to let them go because it was too hard. So I was stupid and I set myself up and now look at where I am.
I wish that Dad hadn't insisted I go see that Mind Healer. Because I seemed upset. Sometimes, Dad, you can be really fucking stupid, of course I'm upset, I just survived a battle and people I liked are dead, and on top of the enormous, six-scoop banana split sundae of torture, assault, and death that's my life, I've got this nice little cherry of here, have some heartbreak, too. Oh god I sound like Hannah. But I did promise him I would go, and I would try to do what they said, and he said I should try to talk about the good things that I've gotten from this. So, here goes nothing.
- I have gotten pretty decent at duelling. If anyone ever tries to mug me, they're beat.
- I have an Order of Merlin. That's pretty cool.
- Friends. Without the war, I probably would never have even spoken to Theodore or Bianca, and I wouldn't be as close to Megan. And I probably wouldn't hang out with Michael and Terry as much. So yeah, that's good.
That's a really short list. But it's got some pretty good things on it. I guess. It still doesn't really make me feel that much better.
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| 054' |
[Dec 9th, 2009 * 10:03pm] |
[Megan and Hannah]
When are you two getting out of St Mungo's?
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| 053' |
[Dec 7th, 2009 * 9:30pm] |
[Megan, Hannah, Justin, Bianca, Terry, Michael, Theodore]
I love you lot.
That's all.
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| 052' |
[Nov 18th, 2009 * 2:59am] |
[Megan]
It's been ages since I've really talked to you, you know.
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| 51' |
[Nov 2nd, 2009 * 12:32am] |
I'm in St Mungo's. I'll live, though.
To whoever that was in the house of mirrors, fuck you. Seriously.
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| 050' |
[Oct 5th, 2009 * 4:17pm] |
[Theodore]
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't have problems or bad things happen to your or that you don't have a right to be upset, I just hate everyone arguing. I know that you don't want people to try and look out for you, but I can't help it, I just want to protect my friends. I only do it because I care about you, even if you don't want me to. I know you might not want me to care, but there were times at school when it felt like you were my only friend and after all the time that we've spent together since then, I can't help it. I really just want you to be happy, even though I know that's stupid because nobody is happy, but at least to make things a little less bad.
I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry about Bulst-- Millicent, even though she attacked me more than on -- , and I'm sorry about your dad and your house and I'm sorry about everything, and I want to see you if you'll come see me because it's lonely here and you and Megan are the only friends I have who aren't hurt.
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| 049' |
[Oct 5th, 2009 * 3:50pm] |
[Private]
I don't know why I try. I don't know why I bother. I don't know why I ever thought that he cared about me at all. I know he's not a Hufflepuff and he's not going to cuddle me and tell me how much he loves me when I'm upset but I thought at least he liked me enough not to say things like that. I don't know why I thought it was wise to invest so much energy in a person who is so needlessly cruel. I don't know why I can't stop doing it. I don't know why this keeps happening and I keep going back, thinking that this time, something will have changed. I don't know why he would bother with things like comforting me and talking to me and humouring me and letting me stay with him last month if he's just going to act like this.
I hate him right now but I hate myself even more. I don't know why I ever deluded myself that someone like him could even be friends with someone who's broken and half-blooded and a Hufflepuff. I'm just so stupid and I wish that I could stop caring and I didn't already want to say that I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I won't do it again. Love is the stupidest thing in the world. It's just not worth it. It's not worth getting hurt again and again and the stupid things that you say and do and I am such an idiot.
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| 048' |
[Oct 4th, 2009 * 9:53pm] |
[Bianca]
Bianca, are you okay? I didn't even know you were still there. I haven't heard anything from you.
Or Michael. Or anyone. Sasha's really worried.
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| 047' |
[Oct 4th, 2009 * 9:18pm] |
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Nothing sucks more than a bad day and not being able to have a cigarette. Or booze. Or even watch tv. I'm really starting to hate St Mungo's.
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| 046' |
[Oct 4th, 2009 * 7:05pm] |
[Megan]
Hey, can you do me a favour?
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| 045' |
[Sep 29th, 2009 * 10:41am] |
[Hufflepuff girls minus Hannah]
So, does anyone else think that Hannah dating Tristan is kind of a bad idea?
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| 044' |
[Sep 28th, 2009 * 10:49pm] |
[Theodore]
Do things ever happen and have a really negative impact on your self-esteem?
Also, you owe me about fifty theatre dates.
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| 043' |
[Sep 18th, 2009 * 6:29pm] |
[Private]
Mum,
I miss you. I wish that you were here. And I know I don't have any right to be upset that you're dead because so many other people's parents died just yesterday and you've been dead for god knows how long and gone for more than a year, and I should be used to it by now. I don't know what to say to people. I don't know how to help them. Nothing I would say would help. How are you supposed to tell people that it never gets better, it never goes away. That there's no band-aid you can just slap on all the things you never said and wished you did. Nothing for all the things you said and wish you didn't.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. I don't know how to do things on my own. I don't know what to do for Dad. You would know how to get through to him, but I just can't be with him too much because I feel like, when he looks at me, all he can think is will it be her next? Because they're targeting DA members and people with connections to the Order and blood traitors, and I'm all of those things, and I don't actually know how to protect myself. I'm not ready not to have a mother yet. It would be easier if Auntie Amelia was here, but she's not, and I don't understand how both of you could have left me.
I don't know how I can want to be alone and feel so lonely at the same time. It's like my brain can't make up its mind if it hates people or loves them. I wish that I had told you these things when you were alive, but I never did, and I feel so stupid because of it. Because I was too busy being annoyed that you didn't like the clothes I wore or how I put off doing the dishes. And I wish that I could tell people whose parents are still alive that all the things they thought were annoying and stupid aren't important, because all it takes is one night and they're gone.
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| 042' |
[Sep 18th, 2009 * 6:01pm] |
[Megan]
Welcome to my life.
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| 041' |
[Sep 18th, 2009 * 5:03pm] |
[Bianca, Michael, Terry]
Hi guys.
I'm sorry about last night. I know I can be really stubborn, and when I'm stubborn, I can be kind of a bitch, and you were just looking out for me. It was probably a really stupid idea, even if nothing bad happened.
Anyway. I'm really glad that we're all living together now. I know it was kind of weird when Bianca and I decided to get a flat, because we didn't really know each other, and that maybe the addition of Terry was probably a little random, too. But we all get along, don't we? And now I like to think we're all really good friends.
Bianca, I'm sorry your birthday really got ruined.
I love you guys.
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| 040' |
[Sep 18th, 2009 * 3:15am] |
[Theodore]
Theodore.
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| 039' |
[Sep 18th, 2009 * 1:05am] |
[Terry, Bianca, Michael, Padma, Sasha, Morag, Francis]
I'm going out for the night, guys. Padma, Sasha, if you're staying, help yourself to my pyjamas. There are at least two clean pair in the top drawer of my dresser. And you can use my tea and eat my cereal in the morning if you like.
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| 038' |
[Sep 13th, 2009 * 2:29am] |
[Michael, Terry, Sasha, Padma, Seamus, Morag]
So, Bianca's birthday is this week, as I'm sure you lot know. And I don't know what you lot had in mind, but I thought it would be nice if we did something for her. A party, but not a really big one, because I don't really think Bianca likes them all that much. And I don -- Maybe something small with just us? Unless anyone else can think of someone else that she'd want to be there. We could have dinner and play games and I think it'd probably be more Bianca-ish than a huge blow-out with lots of drinking and loud music. You know, just hanging out with the people she likes best.
What do you think? Is this a totally dumb idea? Would you want to come? When should we do it? (Michael, I don't want to interfere with any plans you might have had to wine, dine, and romance her.)
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| 037' |
[Sep 12th, 2009 * 10:57pm] |
You know, I never understood the male fascination with lesbians. I mean, these are women who, by very definition, have absolutely no interest in men. Why is it that they want to watch them? Do think that this is a warm up for when they walk in and provide the lesbians with the dick they secretly desire? As if. I mean, much as the thought of two attractive men in the same room is nice, I'm not sure that watching them go at it would really be that satisfying because, hello, they're more interested in each other than in you.
That said, I do find the discussion on Ron's journal fascinating. Who knew same sex fantasies would produce so much chatter?
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| 036' |
[Sep 7th, 2009 * 6:18pm] |
[Hufflepuffs minus Hannah, Hermione, Ginny, Ruby, Ritchie, Terry, Bianca]
So, I think we should do something for Hannah. To cheer her up. I'd suggest we find Neville and flay him alive, but I don't think that'd actually cheer her up, and seeing as he's a war hero and all we might get in trouble.
So, I'm thinking care packages instead? With baking supplies maybe (because if we bake something for her it won't be as good as whatever she baked and she likes to bake when she's upset anyway?), and tissues and bubble bath and movies.
Suggestions for
- Romantic comedies that will cheer her up and aren't painfully bad?
- Movies about how love is a fallacy and the protagonists don't get together in the end, so she can cry and know what the Real World is like? (That aren't Titanic.)
Thank you, thank you. I am sure that we will all be able to band together and help her through this crisis.
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| 035' |
[Sep 6th, 2009 * 12:53am] |
In honour of Vicky Frobisher...
( cut for length )
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| 034' |
[Sep 5th, 2009 * 6:57pm] |
[Megan]
Ugh! How can he think that she is prettier than me when not only is she ugly as sin, she has a terrible personality and no redeeming qualities!
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| 033' |
[Sep 5th, 2009 * 5:19pm] |
Popular opinion poll, since apparently, they're so popular now.
IS HAN SOLO SEXY?
Boys, you may answer yes with no presumption of homosexuality, seeing as it is Han Solo.
( drawn by Terry )
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| 032' |
[Sep 4th, 2009 * 8:31pm] |
[Megan, Hannah, Eloise, Bianca, Terry]
I have an inquiries of you. Is or is Ron Weasley ugly, no matter how heroic and kind of amusing he is?
I am loathe to agree with Pansy Parkinson.
But it's been boring this week, and I have been contemplating how we don't get to say "the blokes of Hogwarts" anymore because we're not at Hogwarts and we're done with school.
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| 031' |
[Aug 22nd, 2009 * 1:52am] |
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I am tired of this nonsense. I don't want to receive any more dead things. I don't want any more burials, even of owls. I don't want any more trials. I just want to forget.
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| 030' |
[Aug 10th, 2009 * 3:17am] |
I'm starting a betting pool.
Which on-the-run Death Eater is "Demelza Robins"? Has Rodolphus Lestrange finally lost it in the wilderness (if he had it to begin with)? Has Fenrir Greyback taken his love for young girls a step too far?
Place your guess and how much you're betting here!
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| 029' |
[Aug 5th, 2009 * 8:55pm] |
[Bianca and Terry]
See your Pokemons?
Worst pick-up line ever.
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| 028' |
[Aug 1st, 2009 * 4:00am] |
[Dean]
I'm sorry we argued. I didn't mean to get tetchy with you.
You can come over, if you like. We have Mario Kart. And rum.
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| 027' |
[Jul 31st, 2009 * 6:33pm] |
[Megan]
Hi.
Can we trade lives? It seems like every time I turn my back, mine gets more complicated.
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| 026' |
[Jul 31st, 2009 * 4:05pm] |
[Kingsley Shacklebolt]
Hello, Minister. I hope I'm not intruding and that none of this is inappropriate or anything. But then I suppose if you can play Mario Kart with Terry, you can field some questions for me. You don't have to really do anything, I'm just asking. But can I ask you a question?
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| 025' |
[Jul 29th, 2009 * 11:24pm] |
[Hogwarts seventh and sixth years + the DA + the Minister and Percy, for kicks]
Bianca and I have a new roommate! "Her" name is "Teri," which is my way of saying that it's Terry, because my dad doesn't know Terry is a bloke, and I don't have a lot of intention of telling him until Terry is fully moved in and kicking him out would be very rude.
If you want to come to an impromptu housewarming party, we have the Nintendo set up. Booze gets you brownie points!
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| 024' |
[Jul 24th, 2009 * 1:12am] |
[Bianca]
I have a hypothetical question to ask of you.
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| 023' |
[Jul 24th, 2009 * 12:53am] |
[Justin]
Do you think it's a bad idea to sleep with someone when you like someone else?
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| 022' |
[Jul 23rd, 2009 * 9:31pm] |
[Megan]
Are you recovered enough to gossip yet, you think?
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| 021' |
[Jul 22nd, 2009 * 11:04pm] |
[Bianca]
Do you think that we're the weird ones, or Anthony is?
Also, Dad is bringing a bed for Terry's "room" from Roxbury tomorrow. We can probably get him to put the expanding charms on the room, too.
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| 020' |
[Jul 19th, 2009 * 11:32pm] |
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HALLELUJAH!
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| 019' |
[Jul 11th, 2009 * 12:35am] |
[Theodore]
Are you terribly busy tonight?
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| 018' |
[Jul 9th, 2009 * 2:35am] |
[Bianca]
You want to join the DA?
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| 017' |
[Jul 6th, 2009 * 5:54pm] |
[Dean]
So, I'm in St Mungo's right now and it's weird without you.
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| 016' |
[Jul 6th, 2009 * 1:47pm] |
[Theodore]
Theodore, my dear, are you dreadfully busy after work today?
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| 015' |
[Jul 5th, 2009 * 6:03pm] |
[Megan]
You're supposed to be here right now. Why aren't you? I miss you. I'm worried. What if they've killed you? I don't know what I'd do then. You're the only person who's stuck with me through everything.
I should have known something was wrong when you didn't tell me what happened with Zacharias on Friday night, and then maybe I would have been able to do something sooner. I feel selfish because there's so many things that I want to tell you about and you're not here.
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| 014' |
[Jul 5th, 2009 * 12:44am] |
[Hogwarts Students 1998 and 1999 + Dumbledore's Army]
So, I was wondering if anyone had heard from Megan. Megan Jones, that is. She never came home last night and her family is really worried, and I was wondering if anyone had heard from her?
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| 013' |
[Jul 4th, 2009 * 4:16pm] |
[Zacharias]
So. Megan was supposed to go on a date with you yesterday.
And she still hasn't reported back to me on what happened how it went things we need to talk about.
So I'm wondering when you're going to release her from your lair of sex?
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| 012' |
[Jul 4th, 2009 * 3:11am] |
[Megan]
Please tell me you had better luck in the romance department today than I did.
I want to hear about your date.
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| 011' |
[Jul 1st, 2009 * 12:03am] |
It's only Tuesday night, which means that there is no cavorting around to be done.
This occasion calls for a little game of word association, I think.
Takeover.
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| 010' |
[Jun 23rd, 2009 * 2:16pm] |
[Hufflepuff 1998]
Do you think my right boob is saggy?
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| 009' |
[Jun 19th, 2009 * 10:56pm] |
[Private to Angelina Johnson]
I already put in a request with the big wigs at the Wiz, but I'm afraid it won't go through because we're super busy right now, what with the Carrows bullshite defence -- being crazy and whatnot, but one of my friends (a Muggleborn with a lot of connections) has tickets to go to Wimbledon, you know, the most important tennis match of the season on Monday and has asked me to go with him. Normally, I wouldn't skive off on work for tennis, because I don't even like tennis that much, but I figure it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go, and have really good seats, because from here on out he'll probably be taking posh inbred girls he's expected to marry from here on out and figured it would be silly not to take it up. I don't think the Wizengamot members really understand what Wimbledon is, and I guess I figure I'll owe you two favours, or one really big one, preferably not involving baking because it's been established I'm not very good at that.
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| 008' |
[Jun 14th, 2009 * 9:50pm] |
Was anyone else forced to suffer through more torturous psychological evaluations yesterday?
I never want to answer personal questions again.
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| 007' |
[Jun 11th, 2009 * 11:22pm] |
[Zacharias]
So.
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